Trowa's Smile
by Stega
Summary: shounen ai 1x3 This takes place when Heero is brought to the circus to recover after self-detonating his Gundam. Trowa and Catherine take care of him and well..Ch.2 attempts to earn the M rating
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Trowa's Smile

**Stega's Notes:** This takes place when Trowa brings Heero to the circus to recover after self-detonating his Gundam, after episode 10 but before what happens in Episode 13. First chapter is abit short but I've got more to add, I'm just finishing it up. I'm not new to the game but I am afew years rusty so please be gentle when reviewing :0)

**Pairings:** 1x3

**Disclaimer:** This is a work of fiction by a fan. All characters within are not my property.

---

Obnoxious laughter erupted from the tent just as Trowa stepped past the open flap of the canvas door, into the light, then into the darkness again. His heart skipped a beat and his feet stopped moving. He licked then teethed his bottom lip and looked around the area carefully. Trees, tents, trucks, fire pit, nothing. Good. He suppressed his breathing for a moment so he could hear better and then waited. The laughs began to die down gradually from the occupants inside the tent, save for one shrill hyena's cachinnation which rang out irritatingly until silenced by a muffled oof sound. His heart was racing.

It can't possibly be me, Trowa told himself. But the fear was already starting in on him. They know I'm out here, I just know it.

A warm yet somehow stagnant-like breeze shared the darkness with the young Gundam pilot, at first disturbing the tents and trees only ever so slightly. It had been keeping the mosquitoes away in the evening, just barely, but in turn for it's service brought down a musty and brackish scent to the grounds the circus had set up camp in. Probably from a bog or something similar to the north, closer to the mountains. It had been causing more than afew people to lose their dinners the past few nights which was why everyone had been resigning to their tents and camper vans earlier and earlier each evening. Trowa was not one of them, atleast, not tonight. Although it was strangely hotter outside than it was inside his van. Lately he'd been finding it enjoyable to be out around the camp at night when no one else was around and all the drunken banter was consequently kept in canvas circus tents.

He could hear murmurs now, as if they were making a concerted effort to keep their voices low, as if they knew someone was 're talking about me. They think I should be replaced. They saw when my foot slipped at the performance today. They...

"Just go," Trowa whispered to himself in a weak and wavering voice, but he could hardly hear it. His heart seemed to be beating irregularly in his ears and the quieter everything else became around him, the louder the beating grew.

Another outburst of laughter startled Trowa enough to get his body working again. He skipped into a brisk walk and hurried through the maze of tan-coloured tents and cream-coloured vans and disappeared into the trees.

---

There was no performance scheduled that day and the hours seemed to crawl by reluctantly. Most people were in a lazy funk due to the heatwave and there was very little choice when it came to entertainment on days like that. Socialize with friends or socialize with animals. Trowa had no friends and the animals were just as hot and bothered as the people were but locked in cages aswell. He thought about checking up on Heero again, who'd done little else but sleep since he had arrived at the camp and rightly so; he should've been dead. But the idea didn't seem too appealing to him at the moment.

Trowa sat on a metal fold-up chair inside the doorway of an otherwise unoccupied tent, with the door flap tied up loosely by rope to let the sunshine in which made him feel warm inside. He rocked back and forth awkwardly for awhile, digging each steel leg into the hard, packed dirt over and over. Catherine occasionally passed by and poked her head into the tent and every time she would smile that starry smile of her's and ask 'how're you doing, Trowa?' or 'what are you thinking about, Trowa?' or 'enjoying the sunshine today, Trowa?'. Each time he answered it was just enough to make her leave and not enough to make her stay. He usually didn't feel anything about being that way to her but today was turning out different than usual.

He could see the type of personality she was, or atleast thought he could. Friendly and bubbly but clearly very fragile. There was a mix of happiness and sadness in her eyes when she smiled and she didn't try hard to hide it. She seemed like the type of person who could easily be crushed which, in Trowa's mind, was all the more reason to keep their conversations together short and amicable. It wasn't a secret that she wanted to be friends but Trowa figured the more he politely pushed her away, the better off she'd be in the end. If she knew me, she wouldn't want to, Trowa thought. He often thought that way about anyone who tried to get too friendly.

However, there seemed to be more ice on his tongue today than normal and he suspected that he came off harshly with her today after her last drop by. She probably thinks I hate her now. The suspicion was turning into cold hard fact in Trowa's mind at an alarming rate. He had to find something to take his mind off such things right away so he kicked himself up out of the chair and marched outside.

Four men were talking animatedly at the fire pit several feet away, across from Trowa's tent. They appeared to be arguing but with grins on their faces, despite the humidity, and paid no attention as the secretive Gundam pilot, known only to them as Trowa, walked by. He disappeared into an adjacent camper van hoping to find some distraction.

The air inside was worse than any breeze from the bog but it didn't phase him. Heero laid lifelessly on a small cot which was positioned beside a small built-in table and modest window which had it's shutter drawn. His face glistened with sweat and the bandages around his arms and chest were noticeably damp. His brow was tense and gave the appearance of being uncomfortable but the way his mouth hung slightly open and he breathed steadily in and out of it seemed to tell that he was content enough in sleep to stay asleep. It was an almost relieving feeling for Trowa looking upon him in this state, because it was such a contrast to previous nights since he had arrived. The first two went smoothly and without incident, but by the third or fourth night Trowa was awoken from his sleep by various sounds of distress and screams coming from Heero's van so often that it was becoming a common occurrence. The people from the circus sometimes joked about it in closed tents now, rather than asking questions about the strange injured boy who did nothing but sleep all day and eat their food.

Trowa had to admit that he was curious about whatever the boy had so many nightmares about and had, once or twice, pictured himself standing over Heero while he was sleeping peacefully and shaking him to wake up so he could know. But he knew that no one like him, a teenaged boy, a Gundam pilot, a soldier of war for the colonies, would ever speak about the horrors he saw in his head when his eyes were closed. Atleast not to a stranger.

Realizing he was still standing, Trowa quietly took the seat against the wall and rubbed the back of his neck where it was beginning to cramp. His legs were bent awkwardly under the table since it was made for space conservation and not comfort. It brought on the feeling that he was impatiently waiting for something to happen, for Heero to come back to life. It has to be today, Trowa thought. How much longer can this really continue? The idea of shaking him offered itself again with a grin, but he knew couldn't go through with it. It wouldn't happen the way I see it. He would probably snap my neck in surprise or something.

Heero shifted onto his side in his sleep with his back against the wall of the camper van and more of his body was revealed as the blankets were disturbed. He was still wearing his black shorts which now peeked out from the sheets and the bandages wrapped around his torso ended just above his bellybutton while minor scrapes and bruises clearly continued down the side of his right hip. Trowa smiled knowingly. I guess Catherine is a little shy too. The private smile lingered on his face awhile while he thought briefly about Catherine voluntarily changing the dressings every day because she truly wanted to be of help. Although Trowa had suspected at first that she had ulterior motives for doing so, he didn't really care what, if any, they were now. I will not make it any of my business. This is for the best.

Trowa sighed loudly, expressing his boredom to no one but himself, and laid his head down in his arms on the table. The heat was really beginning to get to him and before he knew it he'd fallen asleep.

---


	2. Chapter 2

---

Trowa woke up feeling groggy, as if he hadn't slept at all, and that slight cramp in his neck had spread to his shoulders, lower back, legs, and... The young boy's face grew hot, without help from the soaring temperatures both inside and outside the van. His cheeks turned pale instead of red as he strained himself to sit upright in his seat and he felt his spine crack painfully. His pants were suddenly very tight and his throat very dry. A drop of sweat formed on his forehead which he nervously wiped at with the sleeve of his shirt before it could adventure into one of his eyes. After he did so he noticed, to his surprise, that he was not the only one awake now.

There was a long, distressing silence as two Gundam pilots stared at each other in intimate quarters. Heero had a tired and confused look on his face which worried Trowa. _Does he know?_

"Trowa..." the bed-ridden boy muttered, testing out his voice. He was looking into Trowa's eyes but his mind was elsewhere, likely analyzing his situation and injuries. After a long pause he finally spoke again. "What day is it?"

"Sunday," Trowa answered anxiously. His erection pressed at the zipper on his pants as if it intended to escape but settled for reminding him it was still there, as if he needed to be reminded. He felt light-headed, perhaps because he was nervous, or hot, or maybe because alot of his blood was anywhere but in his brain at the moment. He bit his lip, hoping to send the message to his blood to '_get back up here_!' but it really didn't achieve anything. He was extremely nervous having woken up in such a compromised situation and his heart was beating rampantly. _Did he see? Can he see from there?_

"Have these been changed recently?" Heero motioned with his chin to the saturated bandages wrapped around his otherwise bare chest.

"W-well, Catherine normally changes them in the evening but I can change them for you now if you wish." Trowa wanted to slap himself for the obvious nervous inflection in his voice. _You sound so stupid_, he scolded himself.

"Alright." Heero carefully used his abdominal muscles to lower himself back onto the bed rather than his arms which were painfully weak and jelly-like. He starred up at the ceiling, secretly disappointed with himself that he'd become so helpless and dependent on others in such a short time. _So easily_, he thought.

With joints cracking audibly and an erection that did not know when to quit, Trowa swiftly maneuvered himself out of the booth-like seat, taking great care not to face Heero's direction as he stood. He hurried to the washroom at the back of the camper van in as normal a walk as his groin would allow, where he assumed Catherine kept the bandages specifically stashed for Heero. With but a few moments of searching he found them sealed in a ziplock bag, inside a cardboard box on a shelf behind two thick and neatly folded green towels. He quietly placed the box on the floor next to the sink and looked at his reflection in the mirror. It starred blankly back at him. At first glance his skin looked eerily colourless and his green eyes were dull, almost lifeless. _I look like shit_.

He smiled at himself in the mirror, squishing his cheeks with his fingertips to exaggerate it, then washed his face. He thought of the upcoming performance scheduled for the next day and his act with Catherine in hopes of alleviating his southern problem but it wasn't working fast enough. He tried thinking about his Gundam HeavyArms, then Catherine again, and even the circus manager who seemed to derive a sick pleasure from Trowa's humiliation, atleast he thought so. It nearly worked until, in it's quest, his mind came across that blond-haired boy he'd met a while ago, the one who was also a Gundam pilot. _Quatre..._ There was something enticing about the name. Infact, everything Trowa knew of him thus far only left him wanting to know more. He couldn't say he really noticed but the blond had been surfacing in his mind regularly since they'd met and with growing frequency. Much to Trowa's dismay, that was not the only thing growing right then either.

Back in the main room of the camper Heero waited patiently for Trowa to return with the medical supplies. He felt thankful that he could not remember his dreams from the other night or he was certain he would be reliving them again at that moment. Although, as weary as they made him sometimes, he knew in his heart it was a just price to pay for taking so many lives; no matter whose side they were on. And now, on top of everything else, there was Noventa. Another innocent person was dead because of his mistakes. Nightmares for a human life was not a fair trade when it came to civilians. He reminded himself of that fact every day. He couldn't help it. _But_, he mused, _maybe I can help this one..._

Before Heero's mind was left to come up with anything concrete, a calmer, more familiar Trowa returned to his bedside with a brown box and set it down. From it he produced a bag of clean bandages, then a couple pins, followed by a small bottle of hand sanitizer and larger bottle of antiseptic. He started by cleaning his hands. Heero noticed they were very slender, although not quite bony, with long, delicate fingers which he took the time to clean thoroughly. Heero also noticed that before it had seemed Trowa was nervous and anxious in his company but now appeared to be back to his usual self. He wondered briefly if he was hiding something, but the thought passed easily.

As Trowa removed the old wrappings, applied antiseptic, and redressed his wounds, Heero watched him as if analyzing an enemy in battle. Trowa was aware of the scrutiny but never broke stride in his task. Normally under the pressure of such an intense and focused gaze coming from anyone he might've slipped up but his mind was preoccupied with other things at that moment. The vague notion of failure lingered only in the back of his mind which was so abnormal for Trowa that it gave him a surprising amount of confidence in his administrations. It also encouraged him to let his thoughts wander as he told himself, _I can do this with my eyes closed._

In his mind he could picture that pilot so easily; it was as if he were sleeping again. _Quatre..._ He loved to say the name in his head and was beginning to suppose he would enjoy it more to be able to say it aloud. He doubted he would ever have the chance to see him again so his thoughts were really nothing more than a silly, albeit welcome, distraction from reality. _Maybe, one day_, he thought, _we could wind up friends. Or maybe..._

Trowa's hands stopped working, paused, clasping the final pin to secure the bandages. He wasn't even aware of it. In his mind he began shamelessly picturing inappropriate things involving the blond Gundam pilot. Quatre smiling innocently, removing his shirt and vest followed by his pants, and then bending ov--

"Trowa?" The surprising voice of reality rang loudly in his ears. "Are you finished?"

Trowa looked down at his fingers incoherently and noticed the last pin. He deftly pierced it through the pieces of bandage to hold them together, then sat up straight. Having received no response, Heero glanced back over his shoulder and attempted to look down at his back then he turned to his left so he could face Trowa without straining his neck. They were both sitting on the bed, shoulder touching shoulder, so it was not hard for Heero to notice, without intending to, what was going on with his nurse. He forced the saliva down his dry throat calmly while considering what his next action would be.

Meanwhile, Trowa was caught between the daydream and reality still. He watched Heero as he carefully moved around on the cot but he didn't want to let the image of Quatre go. _I can't be thinking of him right now_, he told himself. _Not while in the company of other people_._ But I cannot stop_. He watched as Heero moved around some more, probably to get comfortable, but continued to let his thoughts distract him. Were he paying more attention he might have been able to guess what Heero's intentions were by the way he was leaning into the taller Gundam pilot and switching his gaze from up, Trowa's eyes, to down, to up again.

"Trowa," he breathed after realizing his movements thus far had gone unnoticed. When even that produced no effect from the silent boy, Heero, with great strain because his arms were still weakened, placed his hand in Trowa's lap, innocently at first; atleast he considered it to be. This produced a better result for him. There was a short gasp, which Heero fully expected, quickly suppressed and Trowa starred at him in surprise. He decided to test the waters in Trowa's momentary stupor and, while looking into Trowa's eyes in hopes of getting a glimpse of his true feelings, he moved his hand blindly over the front of his pants until he found what he wanted.

"W-what are you doing?" Trowa mumbled anxiously. His erection responded to Heero's hand like an excited schoolboy raising his hand in class after the teacher had asked an inanely easy question. It pressed firmly against Trowa's tight jeans, begging to be let out for playtime. Why is Heero doing this? _Why would he want to..._

"Acting on my emotions," Heero said in a stronger, darker voice much different from his usual tone. It was almost harsh but the power in his voice was reassuring, something Trowa seemed to need.

_Why me?_ Trowa's thoughts were full of doubt even as Heero began kissing him. He didn't know what he should do, how he should move. He felt incompetent just sitting there motionless on the bed as Heero simultaneously stuck his tongue between Trowa's lips, gently coaxing them open, and unzipped his pants which proved a little more difficult than he had anticipated due to the folds a pair of jeans tends to acquire in the crotch area. Trowa's eager and impatient cock didn't help much either. _Do I really want this?_ His body sure did, but that was the only thing he knew for certain. He couldn't help but feel worse and worse about himself for thinking so much instead of just going with the flow. _What if I do something wrong? Can he tell I'm inexperienced? What if I think of Quatre...?_

Heero leaned back from Trowa's lips for a moment, his hand still halfway inside the boy's pants, and wondered if he was pushing Trowa too far. _Wasn't this what he wanted_, Heero asked himself. He'd thought so up until the point that he'd decided to make the first move and now Trowa just seemed...uninterested, or in shock maybe. No explanation he could come up with sounded exactly right in his mind. There weren't any answers in his facial expression either, he just looked indifferent which Heero knew could mean anything. Quiet people were such mysteries.

After hastily thinking it through Trowa finally decided what he would do. _One more_, he told himself. _One more kiss and I'll stop thinking_. It was a silent promise to himself, and really just left the decision up to Heero who had no way of knowing what was going on inside his head. He could only hope there would be a one more. _I'm so powerless_.

"You can relax," Heero said thinly, with an accidental condescending look on his face. _One more try_. He moistened his lips with his tongue and kissed Trowa again, this time making a slight effort to start from the beginning and wait for him to open his mouth on his own. It seemed to work. Heero's hand stayed glued to Trowa's crotch but didn't really move. It was more or less left there simply to make sure he continued to enjoy things. Trowa didn't appear to mind.

There was an inaudible sigh of relief from Trowa as things heated up again. The thought of rejection fueled him to match Heero's lust, mimicking the placement of hands and swirl of tongue. _Am I doing this right?_ He tried not to care. When Trowa's hand mistakenly discovered what was fueling Heero, namely his hard cock, he wanted to take it back. He pretended like he hadn't touched it at all and quickly moved his hand to Heero's bruised right hip. The unexpected sensations of pleasure then pain caused Heero to push the taller boy away and down onto the small, springy bed. His arm felt instantly drained from the exertion but he did not regret it.

"I'm sorry," Trowa said softly before even knowing if he'd done something wrong. _What is wrong with you?!_ The reprimand started quickly in his head. _You blew it!_

_---_


End file.
